In Proverbs 22:6, parents are advised to be the source of their child’s values and not to let the child develop his own. Put another way, the focus of the proverb is on whose values the child is to adopt, not whose rules must be obeyed. To better understand this, let us look more closely at the text of this verse. The ESV’s translation is fairly typical:
Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it
This verse is often taken to mean that by training our children early, the training is more likely to persist into adulthood. The earlier you begin training your child, the better for the child and humanity. Unfortunately, while this principle is true enough, this understanding is not the lesson contemplated in this verse. In fact, the verse is a rather sarcastic observation of the consequences of parents letting their children have their own way.
In its original Hebrew, the English phrase “in the way he should go” is translated from the Biblical Hebrew phrase, עַל־פִּי דַרְכּוֹ (al-pi darko) – literally “according to his way of his mouth“. Idiomatically, al-pi darko means “according to what he says“. In other words, by letting the child have his or her way, you run the risk of raising an adult unable to discard the self-indulgence of youth. Parents who do not heed this text’s wisdom risk having a 30-year-old son living in the basement, playing video games, and borrowing their car on Fridays.
So, let us rewrite the verse to reflect better what the author had in mind:
[If you] Train a child according to what he says, and you will produce an adult whose [childish] behavior is hard to change.
Phrased this way, the meaning is not so different from the lesson known to most parents: they are not to let their children “have their own way.” Such training will produce an adult in age only.
But there are still deeper waters to plumb. The verse assumes that when parents teach their children the right values, the right behavior will follow into adulthood. Every parent knows instinctively that this is not healthy for a child’s well-being. Children have to be taught what values to adopt. Otherwise, they will adopt the values that reflect the way of their mouth.
What are these values? We know from many other [familiar] texts. We are to imbue our children with God’s moral values, not our own (Deut 6:7). God reveals to us the specifics of what we are to value (The Ten Commandments, Deut 6:5, Lev 19:18, Lev 19:34, and Matt 7:12 and Matt 22:37). All of these, however, are elegantly summed up in one of the most powerful and compelling teachings of the Bible. As the prophet Micah teaches:
He has shown you, O man, what is good; So, what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? (Micah 6:8)
Teach these values to your children, and your children and humankind will be better off for your effort.
Now, go and study